To Live Forever
by Ambrel
Summary: We all thought, in our infinite teenage wisdom, that we would live forever. We were untouchable. **Character Death**


It was painful.

We all thought, in our infinite teenage wisdom, that we would live forever. We were untouchable. How may fights had we won?

How many tight spots had we been in, just to break free at the last possible moment?

It was insane, the roller coaster ride that we lived. Our lives were constantly in flux, dancing around like fireflies in the night. We rode hard, played rough, and did what we knew was right. And at the time, it seemed like enough.

Dying never crossed any of our minds. Not once, for all Stork predicted his doom and gloom. I don't think that even he really believed that any of us would ever truly kick it. Even he had the same sort of lust for the edge that the rest of us shared, though he sure tried to hide it well enough. He had even started to open up a little. Started to trust the strange kind of luck that we seemed to carry with us. Blind luck, he called it. Blind, because it carried us through so much without abandoning our antics to failure.

Blind luck had gotten us so far. But it had stuck with us for ages. For ages… we were invincible.

Years went by, and none of our daring ever waned. No one let up on themselves, forever pushing to become even better. It was a thrill. Exhilaration. A kind of high that you could never get from alcohol or drugs. A love of life that came from being driven by the urge to protect it.

Yeah. We were going to live forever. That was the plan.

Each mission we undertook was dangerous, and I suppose that on some small level, we all understood that. On some tiny, insignificant plane of consciousness, we all acknowledged the fact that one day… maybe, we just might not all make it out alive. Maybe we wouldn't always be wrapped in the untouchable, magical shroud that had thus far protected us from the crazy things we did.

We all acknowledged it, but I don't think we ever believed it. In our line of work, putting yourself through mortal danger day after deadly day, it was something you tried not the think about. If you let yourself dwell on the idea that you wouldn't be with your friends forever, then you opened yourself up to too much uncertainty and doubt.

If I learned one thing from my time as a Storm Hawk, it is this: You must live in the moment. Take each moment that you can, pull it close, treasure it. Make it yours and live there, in that _moment_, holding on as though it was the most important thing in your life. And when that moment moved on, you look ahead to the next one. Because really, in the end, that is all you ever have. A series of moments, strung together by your own experiences, and valuable beyond comprehension. These moments, these precious, irreplaceable moments, were only so valuable because of what you put into them. What you do with them. How you share yourself within them. When they move on into memory, they are forever yours to treasure or regret.

And then, in the darkest times of your life, you can reach back and touch those memories, bringing to life the spark of life and love that they contain. The moments that make up your life are all you really have, in the end.

So I guess we can say that we all lived our lives to the fullest. We may not have had the best of equipment or the easiest of jobs, but we put our all into whatever we did.

And…

And that's why it hurts so badly, now.

I'm pretty sure that's why… because maybe, if I hadn't cared so much… maybe if I hadn't put so much into my time here..

Maybe it would be easier to just let go.

But like the string of moments that make up my memories, regrets are something that just cannot go away no matter how hard you try to forget.

Oh, and I had a lot of regrets.

I regretted not taking that one last ride through the sky.

I regretted turning in early that night, saying I was too tired to sit around and talk at the table.

I regretted rolling my eyes when he waved at me, telling me that he hoped I had a good night, and promising that he would beat me at the training room the next day.

I remember wishing that he would just lay off for once. Leave me alone for once. Let me sleep in.

I remember waking up to a midday sun the next day. Smiling to myself that I had gotten in a few extra hours of sleep that he normally deprived me of in favor of beating me down in the morning training sessions.

I recall the hum of the ship's systems as I walked out into the bridge, glancing around and asking where Aerrow was. Everyone had shrugged and replied that they hadn't seen him all day.

I had smiled. This time, I could wake _him _up! This time, I could give him payback for all those lost hours or sleep that he had inflicted on me through the years I had known him!

I had made my way stealthily to his room. There was only quiet behind the door, so I slid is slowly open, totally prepared to scare the living daylights out of the sky knight. He was laying on the bed, his back facing me, and I had tip toed up to his restful form.

I remember shouting-something stupid and unthoughtful, probably-in his ear, jostling him at the same time. I wanted to startle him awake. To scare him into squealing like a kid, like he had done to me so playfully all those times before.

I….

…I remember… the way his head rolled lazily to the side when I touched him. The way his body toppled over onto his back, his arm falling free and flopping onto the bed.

I remember the way his skin felt under my hand. Cool. Room temperature.

I ….could still see the way his eyelids rested half closed over his green eyes, strangely flat and motionless.

He…

I…

I remember hearing the ragged howls… and then realizing that it was coming from me. I was screaming for Stork.. Piper… Junko, Radarr… anyone. My throat became ragged and sore as though I had swallowed sandpaper and gargled with gravel. I was grabbing his shirt and shaking him.

He was just playing.

_Stupid Aerrow. Always playing. Always getting the game on me. I was tired of it. Tired of it, you hear!? Stop messing around!_

_Stop playing!_

_Wake up, you fool!_

_Wake… Up…_

_Please._

_Oh, god, please wake up._

I collapsed on my knees. I felt arms encircled around me, but I didn't bother to look up. I was crumpled at the side of the bed.

I remember looking dully at the ground in front of me. I remember seeing his arm, silent and motionless, resting against the floor where it had fallen when I had been shaking him.

I remember that moment. I had taken it into me, held it close, made it mine. My moment. My forever memory.

My regret.

He was gone. In a moment that I hadn't been there, he had left us all. A moment that had been his alone…

Gone.

I couldn't even find it in myself to cry. I felt it in my throat, that painful, tight lump, so large and full or emotion that it hurt to breathe. I could feel the muscles in my shoulders bunching and tightening in protest of the welling pain within my mind and heart…

But I couldn't cry.

Even now… I cant.

I don't think he would have wanted us to cry. Not for him.

Because he lived his life to the fullest. I know what he would have told me.

He would probably say that it doesn't matter how longyou lived. Only… only that you _lived. _

Like he had said once… it's the rider, not the ride.

So… I guess its not the length of time you have to spend with everyone… but what you do with the time that you have.

And…

Well… none of those words help. So empty… too contrived.

I mean… we were invincible.

We were…

We were going to live forever.

OOO

Okay… there's a story behind this story.

I meant to come home today and work on the next chapter of The Wager, as well as a drabble or two… but I received some bad news today at work.

A man that I had known for a few years, who I considered a friend, had passed away last night. He'd transferred from my command last year some time, and I was actually looking forward to meeting up with him again when I transferred later on this month. We would have been working in the same city. It would have been awesome to see him.

Well, when some other servicemembers had gone over to his house last night to pick him up and go out for a while, they entered his home and found him… he was already gone. He was less than thirty years old. Healthy. No one expected this.

So… here's to you, Romy. While I don't count myself particularly religious, I hope that somewhere, you have found the peace that you valiantly fought for during your time on this earth, honorably serving your country.

God speed.


End file.
